Ebb Tide

Back in the Spring of 2010, my short story "Ebb Tide" won 3rd place in WOW! Women on Writing's Quarterly Flash Fiction Contest. Although I've always had it linked on my Short Fiction page, I've never actually posted it here. But I needed another "rerun" post for today, so I'm sharing it now!

Dear Diary,

Dr. Zimmer says I have to keep this journal as part of my therapy; he promised no one would read it. He thinks I have trust issues along with my “fascinating emotional complex.” Duh. I tried to tell him what happens when another person touches me, but he didn’t believe me.

I’ll try again here. Even the lightest brush of another person’s skin opens me up to their deepest sadness. It hits me like a tidal wave before seeping into my every tissue. Then their heartbreak is a part of me as much as it is a part of them, and I can't get rid of it. It’s like a sorrowful osmosis.

I used that word, osmosis, and Dr. Zimmer looked surprised. He’d probably read in my file about the low IQ I’d been saddled with early on, after all the tests ruled out a physical reason for my screaming and thrashing whenever anyone came near me. The autistic diagnosis came later, and I thrived under it, mostly because those therapists respected my physical boundaries as long as I made cognitive progress. And of course I made progress, there was nothing wrong with my brain, other than being cluttered with other people’s regrets.

Although I couldn’t really understand yet, by the time I was three I knew about my Gran’s first child, the one she gave up and didn’t tell her other children about. I saw that my mom had never gotten over her first love, even when he’d married another woman. And that my father knew about the whole thing, but he loved my mother so much he was willing to live with this shadow man lingering in her heart.

By fourteen, I learned to live with these backstories inside me—as long as nobody touched me and introduced new ones. I was doing so well that I got mainstreamed into high school, and that’s when it hit the fan.

Last week, this boy Gerome cornered me and held me down, while his friends gleefully took turns poking me with a finger. It left me raging (I broke Gerome’s nose and some of those poking fingers) and then catatonic, until I woke up in this facility.

Dr. Zimmer let my mom come see me today, and to take away the power of my “delusion,” he encouraged my mom to give me a hug.

She offered me her hand instead. Under Dr. Zimmer’s gaze, I knew I would have to touch her, and it wouldn’t be so bad since I already knew about her lost love.

But that’s not what rushed into me; instead it was her pain that she had this smart, beautiful, funny daughter, and she’d never been able to hold her. I gasped with the shock of it, and Mom let go, apologizing. But I was already stepping forward to put my arms around her, and after a moment’s hesitation, she hugged me back and our shared sorrow flowed away. Out of both of us.

WOW currently has their Spring contest open, btw, until May 31. There's a $10 entry fee if you're thinking of sending something in.

Litreactor's Sci-Fi Writing Challenge

All the info from their website:

"Our sci-fi writing challenge, TELEPORT US, is open to submissions!
 

The time is upon us! LitReactor's sci-fi writing challenge is open for submissions!

So what does that mean?

If you're a writer, you have a month (until February 28th) to submit your story following the prompts we handed out in the beginning of January (which is right here, in case you missed it).

If you're a reader, you can read and rate stories that have been submitted. There's a bunch already waiting for you.
 

To submit or to read, click here. 
 

Remember, the whole point of this challenge is to stretch your writing boundaries, read some cool stories, and meet new and interesting people. That's why the entire thing is open and free of charge—you do not need to be a paying member of the site to participate. This is about all of us having fun and learnin' a little something from each other.

But also it's about winning prizes! We're not announcing everything just yet, but we do want to share this: Some of the top-rated stories will be read and critiqued by authors like Chuck Wendig, Adam Christopher, Kat Howard and Joseph Nassise! Read more about that here. We'll have more to announce soon. Think: Swag. And don't worry, non-writing readers, there'll be opportunities for you to win stuff, too!"


So what are you waiting for--go enter!

2012 Katherine Paterson Prize for YA & Children's Writing

I've been busy gearing up for the Pens for Paws Auction that starts on May 7, but wanted to give a heads up on an upcoming contest deadline. Hunger Mountain's Katherine Paterson Prize for Young Adult and Children's Writing offers a chance to win $1,000 and publication in Hunger Mountain.

Here are the quick details from my post last year:

*One overall first place winner receives $1,000 and publication! Three runners-up receive $100 each. One runner-up from the YA (young adult) entries, one from the Middle Grade entries, and one from the Picture Book or Writing for Young Children entries chosen.

*$20 entry fee.

*Entries must be postmarked by June 30th

*Submit one story or novel excerpt up to 10,000 words. You may include a synopsis if your entry is an excerpt, but an excerpt should still work as a stand-alone piece

*Work must be original, written in English, and previously unpublished

*Your name or address should not appear anywhere on the work

*Once submitted, entries cannot be altered

*All entries will be considered for general publication as well as for the Katherine Paterson Prize (My MG short story, Hornworms, was published in Hunger Mountain and it was a genuine pleasure to work with the editorial staff)

*No artwork, or translations please

*Multiple entries allowed—each entry must include a separate entry fee

Good luck if you enter!

Your Story Prompt on Writer's Digest

Need a writing prompt--one that may also land you in an issue of Writer's Digest? WD does a Your Story Competition every other month, and the latest prompt is:

Begin your story (must be 750 words or fewer) with the following line of dialogue: “I’ve got to get out of these clothes—fast.”

And here are the other details from their site:

"Every other month, Writer’s Digest presents a creative challenge for fun and prizes. We’ll provide a short, open-ended prompt. In turn, you’ll submit a short story based on that prompt. The winner will receive publication in an upcoming issue of Writer’s Digest.

The Rules:

Judging criteria are inventiveness, creativity and—where appropriate—humor.

One entry per person.

WD retains first-time rights to run the winner (and finalists) in the magazine and/or on our website, after which all rights return to the author.

WD editors will select the top five entries and post them on our Writer’s Forum.

Readers will vote on their favorite to determine the winner. (Remember, you must be a registered member of the Writer’s Digest forum to read and vote in this competition.)

The decisions of its editors are final.

Winners will be published in a future issue of Writer’s Digest and on the Your Story winners page at WritersDigest.com."

Good luck if you enter! I could see having some fun writing a story with that prompt . . .

WOW! Women on Writing Spring Flash Fiction Contest is Awaiting Your Entry

They say it best, so take it away WOW!

"WOW! hosts a (quarterly) writing contest every three months. The mission of this contest is to inspire creativity, communication, and well-rewarded recognition to contestants. The contest is open globally; age is of no matter; and entries must be in English. We are open to all styles of writing, although we do encourage you to take a close look at our guest judge for the season (upper right hand corner) if you are serious about winning. We love creativity, originality, and light-hearted reads. That's not to say that our guest judge will feel the same... so go wild! Express yourself, and most of all, let's have some fun!

WORD COUNT:

Maximum: 750

Minimum: 250

The title is not to be counted in your word count. We use MS Word's word count to determine the submitted entry's word count."

They've stuck with an open prompt, and entries must be submitted by May 31, 2012, along with your entry fee of $10. Regina Brooks, founder of Serendipity Literary Agency, is judging this round. Good luck if you enter!

(image source)

Gemini Magazine Short Story Contest

For the price of a latte, you could get your writing some recognition. Gemini Magazine's Short Story Contest closes March 31, and the entry fee is only $4. Here are the details from their website:

"GRAND PRIZE: $1,000
2nd PLACE: $100
HONORABLE MENTION (3)

All Five Finalists Will Be Published in
The June 2012 Issue of Gemini

No restrictions on content, style, genre or length. Flashes,
novel excerpts, experimental, mainstream, literary, noir,
romance—all types of short fiction are welcome. Simply send
your best unpublished work by email or snail mail.

We publish both new and established writers."

Some people won't enter contests that have an entry fee, but I feel like $4 for a chance at $1,000 and a publishing credit is a pretty good deal! The WOW! Women on Writing Spring 2010 Flash Fiction Contest entry fee paid off for me when my story "Ebb Tide" took 3rd place. Good luck to those who enter!

YA Market Listing: Call for Pugalicious Press Anthology

Update March 2013: Pugalicious has unfortunately shut down. 

Details from their blog:

"We are looking for YA short stories to include in our first ebook anthology, titled Timeless!

If your short story is between 3000 and 7500 words and fits into the genre of YA historical romance we want to read it. The story can include steampunk, fantasy, or adventure, as long as it includes some historical elements then we are interested in reading it.

Submit the whole manuscript as a Word .doc file (no .docx) by March 30, 2012, with the subject heading: submission–YA anthology.

Please include a bio, publishing credits if any, and a synopsis."



Update March 2013: Pugalicious has unfortunately shut down.

Contest for Chilling Winter Tales

The Toasted Cheese Literary Journal's Dead of Winter Contest for short horror fiction opened October 1 (with no entry fee, yay!). Here are some particulars, but go to the guidelines page for full details:

*Stories submitted to the 11th Annual Dead of Winter contest (December 2011) must use the theme SKULL AND BONES

*The word limit is 2000–3000 words.

*Stories MUST be set in winter.

*Stories must fall in the horror genre. As to subgenres, any is allowed but note that the judges prefer gothic, dark fantasy, erotic horror (PG-13 max), noir, psychological horror, quiet/soft horror, and suspense horror. The judges tend not to like sci-fi horror, extreme/splatter horror, Lovecraftian, etc. Please no creepy children, people who don't know they're dead or overdone "monsters" (vampires, were wolves, sasquatch, etc.). As to gore level, we'd far rather know what's going on inside a character's head than to see it on a pike. We want to be disturbed, unable to shake your story and compelled to leave on every light in the house after reading it.

*The contest opens October 1, 2011 and the deadline for submission is 11:59 PM ET December 21, 2011.

*Email entries to dow2011[at]toasted-cheese.com with the subject line: Dead of Winter Contest Entry

Good luck to all who enter!

Market for Children's Short Fiction & Poetry: Underneath the Juniper Tree

Earlier this year, a unique blend of "playfully dark arts and literature" called Crow Toes Quarterly shut its doors. But another such bold repository of subversive stories cropped up in the form of Underneath the Juniper Tree.

They run contests and challenges, as well as accepting submissions for prose (up to 2,000 words), poetry, and art year round. This quote about their art submissions says it best about what they are looking for:

"All submissions must have a dark, whimsical children’s theme to them. Pictures of fluffy bunnies and rainbows will not be accepted."

So if you have any sinister characters lurking in a corner of your mind, Underneath the Juniper Tree just might like to meet them.

This is an automatic post, so if I don't respond to your comments right away, I'll be back after the middle of the month.

What's Your Flavor? A Buffet of Contests

Writer's Digest is not only an invaluable source for improving your craft and keeping up with market news, they also offer contests throughout the year. Their biggest two are annual well-established competitions:

The annual Short Story Competition (in its 12th year) with a maximum of 1,500 words. Any genre, any style, but 1,500 words is challenging! If you're up to it, the entry fee is $20 and the deadline is November 15, with the winners notified by the end of February 2012.

The deadline for the 80th WD Annual Writing Competition has already passed, but the winners will be announced in October, and details for the next competition in November. WD also has competitions for poetry, screen plays, self-published books, and "Your Story" (which uses a writing prompt).

New this year are separate genre short story competitions, with a maximum of 4,000 words. Entries are also $20, with a chance to win up to $1,000. The deadlines for each genre are:

September 15
Science Fiction/Fantasy
Thriller/Suspense

October 1
Young Adult Fiction

October 15
Romance

October 22
Crime

October 31
Horror

So start pondering some story ideas now, so that you'll have a finished story by the deadline! I may enter more than one category, just for the challenge of stretching my genres.

What about you--do you find yourself keeping to one genre when you write, or do you write all across the board?

Images courtesy of DailyClipArt.net

NPR's 3-Minute Fiction Contest

Accepting submissions through January 23, so hurry! If I'm a good little writer and finish my final revisions and my crits for the YA group, then I'll try to squeeze in some flash fiction by then.

Here are the details from their website:

"Our contest has a simple premise. We're looking for original, short fiction that can be read in less than three minutes — that's no more than 600 words.

Our judge for Round 6 is novelist and short-story writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She's the author of the critically acclaimed books Purple Hibiscus and Half of a Yellow Sun.

Each round, our judge throws out a challenge for our writers, and Adichie has a good one: At some point in your story, one character must tell a joke. And, one character must cry."

That is quite a challenge--I'm eager to tune in and see what everyone comes up with. Good luck!

WOW! Women on Writing Fall Flash Fiction Contest Now Open

Now through November 30, WOW!'s quarterly flash fiction is open to submissions. Minimum length is 250 words and maximum is 750 words. They have an open prompt again, so anything goes! All ages (and genders) can enter, too.

Guest judge this time around is literary agent Wendy Sherman, and the entry fee is $10. You can also get a critique for another $10.

My interview for my 3rd place win in the Spring 2010 contest will be going up next Tuesday on the WOW! blog.

"Hornworms" Live!

My middle-grade short story, Hornworms, is online with the newest issue of Hunger Mountain. Check out the other great YA and MG fiction and more--I feel my hornworms are in great company!

Breaking News--Contest Winner!

I just got the news that my story, Ebb Tide, placed third in the WOW! Women on Writing Spring 2010 Flash Fiction Contest!!!

I wrote that story as a YA piece based on a prompt from Nathan Bransford's blog, so it paid off for me.

Teaser Tuesday: A Little Exercise

I'm in the midst of a dialogue and point of view writing class with Naomi Williams and I thought I'd tease today with the results of an in-class exercise.

We were talking about the part that tense (present tense, past tense, etc) has to play in POV. The assignment was to share a true story (but it didn't have to be your own experience) and start out telling it in past tense, and then move into present tense. I immediately thought of this story, because it is still so vivid in my mind all these years later. Some details have been changed to protect the shamefaced.

In this assignment, we could choose to tell the story in past tense and then retell it in present tense, but Naomi told us to switch tense after five minutes of writing, right when I was going into dialogue. So I chose to make the dialogue in present tense and leave the exposition in past tense.

And I hope I don't have to keep posting warnings or disclaimers for my posts, but this does have some scatological crudeness in it.


I saw part of this play out, or I might not have believed the rest. Me and Joe were working the checkout near closing time, and the store was quiet even for a bookshop.

Then a girl came in, set down her duffle and struck up a conversation with Joe. Her accent struck me immediately: French with a nasally undertone. I stifled a grin; Joe wrote comic books, and the sexy villianesses or tramps often sported a Pepe-le-Pew dialect, so I knew she had his attention.

They left together, every fantasy he'd ever had about exotic foreign women writ large on his face. The next morning, he gave me the dirty details:

"She says right up front that she needs a place to crash, and she's willing to share my bed for the night. I take her back to my apartment and ply her with frozen burritos and St. Pauli Girl beer.

"The whole time we're eating and talking, there's this weird stench in my apartment. We both comment on it in passing. I check the garbage can, run the garbage disposal, sniff the refrigerator--nothing.

"It's not til I go into the bathroom to rummage for a condom that I see it, a giant turd that's been stewing in the toilet since this morning.

"I flush it (three times) and I feel like I have to say something about it when I go out. So I do, and I follow it up with "I understand if you don't want to stay now . . ."

"And, unbelievably, she does."


A note: when they left together, I genuinely expected his story the next day to include, "And when I woke up, she was gone, along with everything of value in my apartment."

Teaser Tuesday (Part 4 of 4)

And now, the conclusion of "Never Buy Another Self-Help Book Again!™," my short story. Some sexual language in parts one and three, so skip those if you're put off by that sort of thing.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three



I was still on the phone with Tammy when Steve came back in the door. He looked upset, so I got off the phone quickly. It turned out he wasn't mad at me; it was the cruise people.

One of the kitchen workers was diagnosed with hepatitis and all the passengers had been exposed to it. The cruise line was going to cancel the trip and give us vouchers for another ship, but the passengers raised such a stink that the new plan was to bypass Catalina and just cruise on to Mexico. Since we were going to be stuck on this ship together, Steve and I called a truce and tried to get along.

I thought we were doing fine until my phone rang at dinner. Before I could even find out who it was, Steve snatched it out of my hand. He ran over to the rail and pushed the talk button before he threw the phone over the side. I didn't say anything, though, because I hadn't heard him laugh like that for weeks.

Steve suggested that maybe he could do the planning from now on, and I agreed. I said I didn't care what we did, as long as it was spontaneous. He wasn't sure what I meant by that, so I told him all about the article I'd read and how it gave me the idea to plan this cruise. He goes, "Let me get this straight—the author says that to be spontaneous you have to make plans in advance?" I ignored his smart-ass comment for the sake of our truce.

The next day was better between us, but then the captain announced that because of the hepatitis we couldn't go to any of the cities we planned. One little coastal village was willing to overlook the chance of infection for the chance at some tourist dollars, but they would only let us anchor offshore, and we would have to go to town in lifeboats.

The first day in the pueblo we went to an old colonial church and then got something to eat from a street vendor. I ordered a burrito, but I got some kind of tough, grilled meat. The second day we went to a religious art museum, and that about covered the points of interest in town.

We did a lot of walking in the park instead. At first I was really bored—I mean, when you can start to tell the pigeons apart, you’ve spent too much time watching them. I kept wanting to pick up the remote and change the channel.

It was good in one way, though, because Steve and I talked and listened to each other better than we had in a long time. I rediscovered that in his way Steve is kind of wise, like Yoda but without the funny voice.

Steve told me there wasn't a self-help book in the world that held the secret to perfect happiness and that I would have to find it on my own. He even made a joke about how much money we would save by me giving up my habit of buying every new book that came out. When he put it that way, he almost made it sound like my relying on self-help books so much was some kind of addiction.

That was when I got my best idea yet for a career. I came up with a whole motivational workshop and video series on breaking the addiction to self-help books and called it "Never Buy Another Self-Help Book Again!"™ After we got back from the cruise and I started mapping out my plans for the "Never Buy Another Self-Help Book Again!"™ workbook, Steve seemed really supportive at first. But when he got to preview the finished video and workbook, he totally lashed out.

He had the nerve to say I wasn’t curing people of their addiction to self-help books, I was just regurgitating a bunch of ideas from other people’s books—in video format. And then he topped it off by mocking my workbook, laughing hysterically at the way it’s called "Never Buy Another Self-Help Book Again!"™ and it just happens to be a book. All he had to do was open the cover to see that it’s not a self-help book, it’s an individual-support companion to my videos.

Kristal was there for Steve’s tirade, and she warned me that I needed to get his bad spirit out of my life. So I divorced Steve, but I’m not alone on the road. Kristal quit her job and goes everywhere with me. Officially she's my manager, but emotionally she's my anchor. She even handles all the finances so that my math phobia doesn’t kick in and undermine my self-image. And who cares if we’ve been audited two years in a row—it’s got to be a government conspiracy.

Teaser Tuesday (Part 3 of 4)

This is part 3 of a short story; be warned, this section has some sexual language. If you'd like to read the other sections they are at
Part One
Part Two

P.S. I've made it through the first round of judging in the WOW! Quarterly Flash Fiction Contest!



He started to pack his suitcase like this was any other trip and I almost exploded until he finally asked what the big secret was. I got the brochure for the cruise ship, and we stretched out on the bed to look at it together.

The ship left L.A. in the morning and stopped off at Catalina Island before heading down to Baja California. I thought it would be kind of neat to see those places, but the best part was all the activities the cruise offered.

There were three swimming pools, a soccer field, a golf course, a mall, and a casino/stage all packed onto this one ocean liner. We wouldn't even have to set foot on land during the whole trip! When I showed Steve the schedule I made so that we could fit everything into ten days, he looked a little unhappy. He said something like, "I thought this was supposed to be a vacation," and I totally lost it.

I was trying so hard to be spontaneous, and his negative attitude was going to ruin everything! He tried to make up for it and pretended to be enthusiastic, but I knew he was faking it. I guess maybe it wasn't the best timing, but that's when I told him I'd been faking it for a long time.

By morning neither one of us wanted to go on this cruise, but we couldn't get a refund on the tickets, so we showed up anyway. It only got worse because we found out not everything was like they said it was in the brochure.

The swimming pools were so small that there was only enough room for three toddlers in soggy diapers in each one, and the so-called soccer field was a modified Foozball game. Then we found out when we sat down for lunch that the golf course was just a putting green way too close to the on-deck dining area. The only thing that lived up to its claim was the casino/stage. It was like they took a hunk of Las Vegas and grafted it onto the ship, complete with skanky showgirls and pale, wheezy people at the slot machines.

By the second day, this whole bad trip was stressing me out, but luckily I'd brought my cell phone so I could call Tammy and Kristal. It really ticked Steve off when I answered a call right in the middle of him going down on me, though. I guess it was kind of tacky, but the man was going at it like he was at a pie-eating contest—I mean he had no finesse at all. I was starting to think maybe it was better when we didn't have sex.

After Steve threw on some clothes and stomped out of the cabin, I felt a little guilty. I called Tammy and started crying because everything was going wrong. This cruise was supposed to be so romantic and bring us closer together, but it sucked.

I felt much better after Tammy read me a chapter over the phone from my favorite book, Men Are from Uranus. The author was one of the first people to intelligently discuss the theory that men and women are actually separate species seeded on the Earth by aliens. It made me feel better because I knew it wasn't my fault we were having marital problems—men and women hadn't even evolved together. If it wasn't for the aliens' genetic engineering, we wouldn't even be able to create fertile offspring.

Teaser Tuesday (part 2 of 4)

This is another section of my short story, "Never Buy Another Self-Help Book Again!™" Part 1 is here This section doesn't have any sex talk, but the other sections do, so don't read if you're offended by that. Oh, and hopefully the comment snafus from last week are fixed.


Since my sister and Tammy weren’t much help on this subject, I invited Kristal over to get her opinion. She got all distracted when she found a stack of my lists. She claimed I was so unhappy because all this organization was against my Gemini nature. How could I be happy with Steve if I was not in harmony with my inner self, and I was stifling my vital spontaneity?

I called Tammy after Kristal left to tell her what Kristal said. Tammy told me there was an article on being spontaneous in July's issue of Light, so I went right out to get it. It's great to have all these friends looking out for me!

When I got back from the natural-foods store, there was a message from Steve saying he was working late again. I decided to have a real pityfest and gathered up my usual comforting things. I made sure that my box of organic chocolates and herbal tea would be in easy reach and sank into a tub of pure aromatherapy bliss. I allowed myself to relax for exactly eight minutes and then grabbed my magazine.

I found the article Tammy was talking about—it was called "How to Be Spontaneous: A Step-by-Step Guide." First it had a little quiz on identifying stagnated behavior and I got almost a perfect score. I was feeling pretty smug until I read the answer key and found out the object was to get a low score. A high score meant that you were totally dependent on creating structure in your life. I don't know if I would go so far as to say I was addicted to my schedules— I just felt lost if I didn't have one.

I moved on to the article part and the author made a lot of sense to me. She said you should try to set aside a portion of your time every day for spontaneous activities, sort of make it a part of your daily routine. Some exercises were included that walked you through "re-creations of spontaneous acts" that I knew I would have to try sometime. Maybe in a couple of weeks I could fit some spontaneity into my schedule.

I was getting drowsy from the combination of the herbal tea and the hot bath water, until I sat up so suddenly I almost swamped my angel candle. I had just thought of the perfect thing to put some passion back into our love life!

When Steve got home later that night, I was already in bed, but I'd stuck a note to the refrigerator that read "I don't care how you do it, but get ten days off from work! Don't ask me why—it's a surprise that just might save our marriage!"

As he crawled into bed, I heard him whisper my name and ask if I was awake. I pretended to be asleep, but then he said he didn't even know our marriage needed saving. When I didn't answer, he just sighed and rolled over. It was all I could do not to laugh—he was going to be so surprised by my little plan!


Steve did manage to get the ten days off, so I made all the arrangements for us to leave for a cruise in three weeks. I wanted to keep the whole thing a secret until the last minute, but it was so hard to do. I'm one of those people that just can't wait for gratification—if I buy someone a birthday present early, I have to give it to them right away so I can see their face. This drives some of my friends crazy because by the time their real birthday does come around, I have to buy them something else because I feel guilty about not having something to give them.

For only about the third time in my life I managed to hold out and not give away the secret. Finally it was the night before the vacation started. Steve came home late and seemed really tired, but I had just finished an espresso so I was bouncing all over the room like that Tasmanian devil guy.

Teaser Tuesday

While I'm working on revisions on my novel, I thought I'd post a short story that's been sitting in a drawer for a long time. I wrote this for a class years ago and it just never found a home, but I really like parts of it. It's one of the few contemporary things I've written (or at least it was current ten years ago) and is about 2900 words, so I'll break it up into 4 chunks and post them over 4 weeks. And just so you're warned, it does have some sexual content/language.



Never Buy Another Self-Help Book Again!™


I knew our marriage was in a rut when my husband, Steve, and I went a whole month without sex and I didn't notice right away. I don't want you to think I'm a nympho or anything; it's just that sex usually showed up on my schedule at least once a week and I'd gotten used to it.

I guess it took me a while to notice the lack-of-sex thing because I was trying to pick a major in college, now that I could afford to go back to school full time. I took classes in art, drama, women's studies—just about every subject, but I was having a hard time deciding which way to go.

If I decided to get a degree, I'd be stuck with that subject for years. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that kind of commitment, especially with my tendency toward flakiness. Like when I say I took all those classes, what I mean is that I took the classes for a month or so and then decided they weren’t what I was looking for, so I dropped out. Except sometimes I forgot to officially drop at the Admissions office, so my transcript shows all these F’s that I didn’t even earn.

Maybe now is a good time to say I was born under the sign of Gemini; my friend Kristal says that Geminis are notorious for starting a million projects at once and only finishing half of them. I met Kristal at a support group for Wronged Children, and she's really into astrology and numerology and stuff. Nothing like black magic or voodoo, just harmless things about how the planets control your destiny.

Anyway, Geminis are also supposed to be really good at everything, but they only stick with it if they excel right away. Otherwise they lose interest and move onto the next project. To help me stop scattering my energies so much, my other friend Tammy gave me this book on how to organize your life and stop procrastinating.

That's what it's called—Organize Your Life Now and Stop Procrastinating! It helped me a lot because I got in the habit of making lists of things to do. I got this wonderful feeling of accomplishment whenever I crossed an item off. Since I started cutting back on fat at the same time, that was really the only treat I allowed myself.

All on my own I took that list idea a little bit further. I started giving myself a deadline for each task and making it into a schedule, like this:

8:15-8:30 Wake up
Mentally go over a list for the day

8:30-8:53 Shower

8:53-9:00 Dry off
Free time to squeeze blackheads, pluck eyebrows, etc.

9:00-9:15 Get dressed

9:15-9:30 Style hair and put on makeup

9:30-9:55 Eat
and so on . . .

I usually scheduled all my waking hours this way so that I was never without something to do. In fact, if I did something that wasn't on my list, I added it on so I could cross it off and get that extra little kick.

My husband always teased me about my lists. If I left one lying around, Steve would add things like, "Breathe every three seconds," and "Read horoscopes to determine best time to empty bowels." He thought he was being cute, but it was just more work for me because I had to recopy the lists. Which reminds me, I started out talking about our relationship.

It was obvious to everyone except Steve that we were having problems. My friends gave me all kinds of advice, but my sister said it was all my fault for marrying a guy eleven years older than me. After all, she argued, he peaked sexually like twenty years ago, and I should just be getting started. I wasn't sure whether or not to believe that because I've heard older guys stay primed longer, as long as they don't have a heart attack right there on top of you.

Tammy told me that the thing that first attracts you to a man is also the first thing you come to hate about him. Like if you're charmed by his boyish playfulness, by the end of the relationship you can't stand his childish behavior. I think that’s so true because when we first started going out, Steve was nothing like the other guys I had dated; he was stable, tender, and easygoing. Of course after a few years, I saw him as predictable, soft, and apathetic. It was the mediocre sex that was really starting to worry me, though.