A Neurotic's New Year's Eve

Having previously offered a glimpse into how my mind works/dreams, I thought I'd offer up what keeps me awake at night. You know, like on New Year's Eve when I got woken at midnight by neighborhood revelers (after not even attempting to stay up past our Long-Married Couple's Customary Bedtime) and then couldn't get back to sleep right away.

Here is what I thought about:

Remember that episode of "Friends" where you have a list of 10 celebrities that you can sleep with if given the opportunity, without it being cheating on your partner? So what if I ever did get the opportunity to sleep with Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, or Vampire Bill Compton (uh huh, fictional characters totally count) and they're in a relationship?

What if I'm not on their list? Would it be considered stalking behavior or charming behavior if I sent them a tweet right now that says, "I will rock your world, or at least skew it slightly. Add me to your list RIGHT NOW." I'm kind of afraid I'd end up on some kind of banned list instead.

And then I did get back to sleep, only to be woken later by a slithering sensation across my feet--exactly like a giant centipede would feel if it was step-step-stepping across them. I sat bolt upright in bed, to see my bleary-eyed cat stretched full length (he is approx. 3 ft. long in that position) across the foot of the bed, with his front paws over my feet.

Whew, it's just the cat. I can lay back down and go to sleep. But then it occurred to me, what if it really was a giant centipede and the cat's paws were over my feet because he'd sleepily batted at its retreating pincers? And what if the centipede is just waiting for me to drop my guard so it can lay eggs in my belly button?

I tell you, a writer's imagination is truly a blessing and a curse.