Phone sex with Stephen Hawking

Ever wondered what it would be like to have phone sex with Stephen Hawking? You know you have! So here's what you do:

1.Get a kindle

2.Download the trashiest romance you can find (I got one called Slow Hands for free)

3.Find a particularly juicy passage (I picked one featuring a velvet member and other picturesque phrases)

4.Turn on the text-to-voice feature and prepare to be wowed. It's like your own sexbot, or the aforementioned phone sex with Stephen Hawking

Bonus points: on a romantic getaway with your husband, put on the sexy black lingerie you stashed in the suitcase, and coyly say, "A little something to put us in the mood . . ." before you start the text-to-voice. Then when you fall down laughing, you're both in a convenient horizontal position. TMI?

2 comments:

Caitlin said...

You are utterly hilarious! That last idea had me in stitches!! :D

Reminds me of the Simpsons ep when Smithers turns on his computer and it says, in Mr Burns's voice, "Hello, Smithers. You - are quite - good at - turning - me - on". LOL!

Angelica R. Jackson said...

I remember that episode! And I love that dream Smithers has where Burns comes floating in through the window into the bed. Smithers moaning the whole time, ewwww.

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