tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post3529350304123278676..comments2023-04-16T06:27:18.807-07:00Comments on Angelic Muse: Show Me the Voice Contest BlogfestAngelica R. Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-30120798412923027512011-03-22T10:51:25.329-07:002011-03-22T10:51:25.329-07:00Angelica, thanks for coming by my blog. I'm in...Angelica, thanks for coming by my blog. I'm in the same boat and am now trying to at least return the favor. <br /><br />You have a great start here. I love that she isn't afraid of the shades and then at the end of the piece there is something that feel ominous. It really adds to the tension. <br /><br />I don't really have anything to pick at. Great start!Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-85104696363630382292011-03-22T07:04:32.878-07:002011-03-22T07:04:32.878-07:00Read this one before from AW, but I like it! Did y...Read this one before from AW, but I like it! Did you change it a bit? Seems more concise now; it flows very fast, which is great :)Ellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17202494819302527977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-67684721867682474712011-03-22T06:38:16.877-07:002011-03-22T06:38:16.877-07:00Sounds great! Good luck!!!Sounds great! Good luck!!!Christie Koesterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09476034899055355019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-13662512362298592622011-03-21T14:43:10.790-07:002011-03-21T14:43:10.790-07:00This is such a great beginning "hook" fo...This is such a great beginning "hook" for your story. Lots of tension and intrigue. What horrors lay behind that door!? (of I already know cuz I've gotten to read the whole story ;-))Christina Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09938707461943582486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-78032057315158914152011-03-21T13:54:42.491-07:002011-03-21T13:54:42.491-07:00Wow, I logged on today to find even more comments!...Wow, I logged on today to find even more comments! I guess I'm not the only one to need a few days to get through all these posts.<br /><br />Thanks for the feedback and support, everyone!Angelica R. Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-4913688896224407882011-03-21T12:38:06.019-07:002011-03-21T12:38:06.019-07:00Well its a good thing you don't need my critiq...Well its a good thing you don't need my critiques because I don't have any for you, lol. I loved it, great voice and hook. Good job!Kalen O'Donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02131133469192904315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-81450128058858941682011-03-21T09:21:04.064-07:002011-03-21T09:21:04.064-07:00Love this - I'm a sucker for starting with act...Love this - I'm a sucker for starting with action like this. I can feel the tension and the foreboding feeling:)Lindsay N. Curriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16347055390748782853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-80247889011524518562011-03-21T07:35:14.162-07:002011-03-21T07:35:14.162-07:00Stopping by from the blogfest. No complaints here....Stopping by from the blogfest. No complaints here. LOVE IT!Debra Gray-Elliotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13836657468924341727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-77020146606937929342011-03-21T00:51:26.203-07:002011-03-21T00:51:26.203-07:00This is a great beginning indeed. I'm curious ...This is a great beginning indeed. I'm curious about why she's being taken to this forbidden wing - and what she'll find in there.Trishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16927558937796802496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-49697662368963201532011-03-20T23:38:19.587-07:002011-03-20T23:38:19.587-07:00This opens well. I definitely wanted to keep readi...This opens well. I definitely wanted to keep reading. I was surprised to find the character is only ten, however. The dialogue and internalizing seems to come from someone significantly older. I see by an earlier comment that she is 17 later in the story, but in this opening section I can't visualize a ten year old at all. There's good conflict and the suggestion of a very interesting story. I like how you write. :)<br /><br />Good luck in the contest.Carol J. Garvinhttp://careann.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-75975113722180680952011-03-20T21:01:08.614-07:002011-03-20T21:01:08.614-07:00Ooo a ghost story! I love it already ;o) Intriguin...Ooo a ghost story! I love it already ;o) Intriguing start! Good description ;o)erica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-64361417817014914102011-03-20T20:54:36.930-07:002011-03-20T20:54:36.930-07:00Ooooh creepy. The last line grabbed me by the thro...Ooooh creepy. The last line grabbed me by the throat and gave me chills. And I totally admire Olivia for sticking to her guns and defending herself. Clear character and conflict setup. So intriguing!<br /><br />Also, why HAVEN'T we read each other's stuff? We should exchange sometime!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06089845691023125664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-47839732917564468152011-03-20T20:46:42.157-07:002011-03-20T20:46:42.157-07:00I love the suspense your first 250 words create. I...I love the suspense your first 250 words create. I did read in a well-known, agent-written book to never start with dialogue. Is there a way to start with Miss Bonney turning left into a long gallery, then move to your opening dialogue? I love getting a sense of place first. <br />Would love to read more!Susan Oloierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07311938400999953443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-90705318794058006122011-03-20T20:07:18.190-07:002011-03-20T20:07:18.190-07:00i like it. i'm interested and as far as i can...i like it. i'm interested and as far as i can tell the historical voice remains true. and i can totally see this little girl and her teacher during this little exchangeamberhttp://ambergilchrist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-23296835563856859482011-03-20T19:54:16.601-07:002011-03-20T19:54:16.601-07:00Thanks, Lori. The one fell swoop is a quote from S...Thanks, Lori. The one fell swoop is a quote from Shakespeare, and as a teacher Miss Bonney would definitely be familiar with it. Shakespearean quotes figure into the book later, also.Angelica R. Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-20535631303002075762011-03-20T19:27:36.511-07:002011-03-20T19:27:36.511-07:00I think this is interesting, and I'd definitel...I think this is interesting, and I'd definitely read on. My only critique is this line: <br /><br /><i>I will solve two problems with one fell swoop</i><br /><br />I'm not sure I believe anyone would say that.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-71918145747908639422011-03-20T17:16:49.056-07:002011-03-20T17:16:49.056-07:00Thanks for all the comments (and follows), everyon...Thanks for all the comments (and follows), everyone!<br /><br />I don't think I'm going to make it through all 100+ entries, so I'm going through them randomly (commented on about 20). I will at least return comments if you commented here.<br /><br />P.S. If you have a blog design with light text on dark background, I can only read it if I select the text and paste it elsewhere. I'm not likely to do that for this contest, since there are so many entries.Angelica R. Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-24099442079379833562011-03-20T16:55:36.700-07:002011-03-20T16:55:36.700-07:00What a spooky dormitory wing! You raised a lot of ...What a spooky dormitory wing! You raised a lot of questions that have really intrigued me! The voice is great. The use of simple words and short sentences help make it seem like we are in the mind of a 10-year-old.J.C. Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01567971311643106302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-81958152851114307712011-03-20T16:13:07.045-07:002011-03-20T16:13:07.045-07:00Ah, an earnest, honest voice. I like it! (and it&#...Ah, an earnest, honest voice. I like it! (and it's a refreshing change from all the usual teen attitude - including my 250 words!) <br /><br />One suggestion: "iron grip" is a cliche. So is "one fell swoop" but that one is okay because that defines Miss Bonney's voice, I like it in that case.Margo Berendsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03476308235642890474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-61538482036715841282011-03-20T14:14:33.553-07:002011-03-20T14:14:33.553-07:00Great opener. You have lots of voice here. You hav...Great opener. You have lots of voice here. You have introduced an intriguing character and I want to know what's going to happen next.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01677563505368503476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-62220136526085543002011-03-20T12:54:05.773-07:002011-03-20T12:54:05.773-07:00Oh I love this little girl already! You've don...Oh I love this little girl already! You've done a fantastic job of showing her gumption and I'd definitely read on.<br /><br />Also, I had a question about your comment on my 250 so if you have a moment I'd love for you to stop by and clarify which version you liked better.<br /><br />How funny that the word verification is "liend" when your post is about a girl accused of lying :)<br /><br />Christi CorbettAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-28652835012720586642011-03-20T12:26:31.259-07:002011-03-20T12:26:31.259-07:00This is a very good opening. Good work!
http://ti...This is a very good opening. Good work!<br /><br />http://timkeen40.wordpress.comTim Keenhttp://timkeen40.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-36724975516612941252011-03-20T12:15:24.011-07:002011-03-20T12:15:24.011-07:00Thanks, Anita and Stephanie! It's actually a y...Thanks, Anita and Stephanie! It's actually a young adult novel; this beginning introduces her at 10 years old to highlight a specific ghostly encounter. The rest of the book, she's 17.Angelica R. Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-42635160881430838012011-03-20T12:08:39.252-07:002011-03-20T12:08:39.252-07:00This is definitely a fun opening for MG, something...This is definitely a fun opening for MG, something I could see my daughter wanting to read in a few years. <br /><br />Nice job!Stephanie Thorntonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17437077559099315853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-786399562888821503.post-34227887874866529112011-03-20T12:02:15.097-07:002011-03-20T12:02:15.097-07:00I love this! You have introduced a very interestin...I love this! You have introduced a very interesting ten year old girl and opened with strong conflict. I hope good things happen for you with this manuscript.Anita Saxenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12444339735834716979noreply@blogger.com